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"Life begins with love, is maintained with love, and ends with love."
–Tsoknyi Rinpoche
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The Power of Love
Kimberly Doughty
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Love is the most powerful of all emotions. It's a force stronger than hate, anger, and fear combined. Love gives us courage and might. It gives us patience and compassion. It allows us to forgive and let go. Love eases our worries and frustrations. It fills us with joy and radiance, hope and laughter. Love is our greatest asset, our biggest strength, and our highest calling. And yet, at times it can feel like our biggest liability.
When love is lost we feel out of control, frustrated, angry, lonely, sad, and helpless. We may struggle to cope with our loss, and as a result become disconnected from ourselves and others. This disconnect floods us with despair, and a sense of agony so deep it can bring us to our knees. Joy seems unattainable, or is forgotten altogether. We may lack motivation or basic care for things we once enjoyed, or even the things needed to maintain our own livelihood. We feel this loss so intensely that it can be all consuming.
A lack of love also causes us to be disconnected; not only from ourselves, but from those around us as well. It is possible that we were at one time showered with love and affection, and now are decidedly less so. Some of us may have yet to be loved adequately— or even at all. Either way, we feel the absence of love just the same. As a means to cope, we may decide that we don't need love, that it's ridiculous, over-rated, or even sickening. But still, we feel the loss. It's deep and unrelenting. It's powerful.
Love is a fundamental human need. We are always looking for it— even if we don't realize it. If we don't have it, we may hurt ourselves or even others in pursuit of it. Without it, we may become cold-hearted, bitter, or reclusive. Alternatively, we may engage in "quick fixes" such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, or other addictive behaviors in order to alleviate our suffering. Love has now given way to fear. And with fear as our driving force, we become depressed and anxious, experience insomnia and changes in appetite; physical symptoms such as headaches, nausea, and fatigue can also be present. We literally become love sick.
Liberating ourselves from our own suffering is no small task, but it is a task only we can take on. The only cure for our lovesickness is LOVE. And not love from others, but love for ourselves. As human beings we are infinitely capable of giving and receiving love, but many of us are simply out of practice. What is not practiced is forgotten, and the connection to our natural state of loving kindness becomes lost—buried beneath our emotional pain. It is only through the willful practice of self-love that we can begin the process of healing ourselves; The process of awakening our true nature. We must surrender to love and allow it to once again become our driving force.
With love as our driving force, our view of the world changes. Traits like kindness, empathy, compassion, and generosity become second nature. Establishing and maintaining healthy, loving relationships become the norm. We fall down less, and get up faster. We are motivated and empowered. We feel better, we look better, we are better.
Love is life's most potent medicine, its strongest glue, and most reliable map. It can create miracles, defeat fear, and only grows bigger with each use. The power of love is within us all—we need only to find it.
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The Bigger the Love, The Bigger the Loss
Alec McDonell, STAR Facilitator
Grief and love are intimately related: the bigger the love, the bigger the loss. But even where the love is distorted, incomplete, or damaged, the loss may be felt deeply— as the loss of the love that might have, or should have been; the loss of never being able to repair the love; the loss of hope that the other person might change.
There's no way of comparing grief or love. Each is innately personal. No one can tell us how to grief, how to love, or whom to love.
Any change involves loss. Any loss involves change. The loss of love, through death, divorce, or absence is a particular kind of loss, involving a unique kind of change that is affected by a multitude of factors unique to that particular relationship.
No one EVER knows how you feel, even if their loss might seem almost identical to yours.
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Love Heals
Kimberly Doughty
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Friend of STAR Audrey Klatkiewicz knows a thing or two about finding love, losing love, and choosing love.
Audrey is a 2017 graduate of STAR. She was so impressed by the young people at her retreat that she, along with her husband Jim, decided to help establish a scholarship fund that would help younger generations experience the healing power of STAR. Because of this loving act, more than 23 people have been awarded scholarships and attended retreats throughout 2017 & 2018.
Sadly, Jim passed away on September 1, 2018. As anyone might imagine, Audrey was heartbroken. Her husband, partner, and friend was gone. To help ease the pain of her loss, she began to write poetry and at the urging of another, submitted one to be published— and it was. Along with the poem, Audrey shared a bit about how she and Jim first met.
"In 1970, I moved to Milwaukee to finish my undergraduate work. Coming from a small city, I was lost in the vastness of big city life. I knew virtually no one and by chance heard on the radio about a dating service. With hesitancy, I signed up. After having gone out with various gentlemen, on a particular first date a night in September 1971, Cupid struck. The minute I laid eyes on Jim, I knew I would marry him. On September 1, 2018, after 46 years of marriage, I lost the love of my life."
Not long after losing Jim, Audrey reached out to STAR. She wanted to honor his memory with another contribution to the scholarship fund. In addition, Audrey graciously supported our 2018 Friends of STAR donation drive by matching gifts received during the campaign. Her generosity will help ensure that many more will have the opportunity to attend a STAR retreat regardless of their financial situation.
Despite Audrey's heartache and grief over her tremendous loss, she has chosen to harness the power of love as she begins her own process of healing. Her love for Jim has inspired several poems, and has led her desire to honor his memory with a gift that will help others find the healing, and peace, they seek. Audrey is an example of how, despite great sorrow, we have the ability to channel the love inside of us and use it to begin healing our wounds.
Those who have attended one of our retreats know that ultimately STAR is about Love, and that harnessing its power is the key to unlocking the pain in our hearts. Love is not merely a word. It's what we say, what we do, the decisions we make. It's a Powerful Force to be reckoned with. It is both what we Need and what we can Use to make us whole and to create the life we want, not only for ourselves, but for all the people touched by the Love inside of us.
Audrey, we have certainly been touched by the love inside of you. Thank you for your generosity, for your kind and caring spirit, and for showing us that love is the greatest thing we can have, and the greatest thing we can give.
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"Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is." —Gary Zukav
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In Loving Memory of Jim Klatkiewicz
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Jim & Audrey's cat, Reggie, relaxing at home.
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