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February 2019

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Love Heals

January / February 2019

"Life begins with love, is maintained with love, and ends with love."
–Tsoknyi Rinpoche

The Power of Love

Kimberly Doughty
Love is the most powerful of all emotions. It's a force stronger than hate, anger, and fear combined. Love gives us courage and might. It gives us patience and compassion. It allows us to forgive and let go. Love eases our worries and frustrations. It fills us with joy and radiance, hope and laughter. Love is our greatest asset, our biggest strength, and our highest calling. And yet, at times it can feel like our biggest liability. 

When love is lost we feel out of control, frustrated, angry, lonely, sad, and helpless. We may struggle to cope with our loss, and as a result become disconnected from ourselves and others. This disconnect floods us with despair, and a sense of agony so deep it can bring us to our knees. Joy seems unattainable, or is forgotten altogether. We may lack motivation or basic care for things we once enjoyed, or even the things needed to maintain our own livelihood. We feel this loss so intensely that it can be all consuming. 

A lack of love also causes us to be disconnected; not only from ourselves, but from those around us as well. It is possible that we were at one time showered with love and affection, and now are decidedly less so. Some of us may have yet to be loved adequately— or even at all. Either way, we feel the absence of love just the same. As a means to cope, we may decide that we don't need love, that it's ridiculous, over-rated, or even sickening. But still, we feel the loss. It's deep and unrelenting. It's powerful. 

Love is a fundamental human need. We are always looking for it— even if we don't realize it. If we don't have it, we may hurt ourselves or even others in pursuit of it. Without it, we may become cold-hearted, bitter, or reclusive. Alternatively, we may engage in "quick fixes" such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, or other addictive behaviors in order to alleviate our suffering. Love has now given way to fear. And with fear as our driving force, we become depressed and anxious, experience insomnia and changes in appetite; physical symptoms such as headaches, nausea, and fatigue can also be present. We literally become love sick. 

Liberating ourselves from our own suffering is no small task, but it is a task only we can take on. The only cure for our lovesickness is LOVE. And not love from others, but love for ourselves. As human beings we are infinitely capable of giving and receiving love, but many of us are simply out of practice. What is not practiced is forgotten, and the connection to our natural state of loving kindness becomes lost—buried beneath our emotional pain. It is only through the willful practice of  self-love that we can begin the process of healing ourselves; The process of awakening our true nature. We must surrender to love and allow it to once again become our driving force. 

With love as our driving force, our view of the world changes. Traits like kindness, empathy, compassion, and generosity become second nature. Establishing and maintaining healthy, loving relationships become the norm. We fall down less, and get up faster. We are motivated and empowered. We feel better, we look better, we are better.

Love is life's most potent medicine, its strongest glue, and most reliable map. It can create miracles, defeat fear, and only grows bigger with each use. The power of love is within us all—we need only to find it. 
The Bigger the Love, The Bigger the Loss
Alec McDonell, STAR Facilitator
 
Grief and love are intimately related: the bigger the love, the bigger the loss. But even where the love is distorted, incomplete, or damaged, the loss may be felt deeply— as the loss of the love that might have, or should have been; the loss of never being able to repair the love; the loss of hope that the other person might change. 

There's no way of comparing grief or love. Each is innately personal. No one can tell us how to grief, how to love, or whom to love. 

Any change involves loss. Any loss involves change. The loss of love, through death, divorce, or absence is a particular kind of loss, involving a unique kind of change that is affected by a multitude of factors unique to that particular relationship.

No one EVER knows how you feel, even if their loss might seem almost identical to yours. 
Love Heals
Kimberly Doughty
Friend of STAR Audrey Klatkiewicz knows a thing or two about finding love, losing love, and choosing love. 

Audrey is a 2017 graduate of STAR. She was so impressed by the young people at her retreat that she, along with her husband Jim, decided to help establish a scholarship fund that would help younger generations experience the healing power of STAR. Because of this loving act, more than 23 people have been awarded scholarships and attended retreats throughout 2017 & 2018.

Sadly, Jim passed away on September 1, 2018. As anyone might imagine, Audrey was heartbroken. Her husband, partner, and friend was gone. To help ease the pain of her loss, she began to write poetry and at the urging of another, submitted one to be published— and it was. Along with the poem, Audrey shared a bit about how she and Jim first met. 

"In 1970, I moved to Milwaukee to finish my undergraduate work. Coming from a small city, I was lost in the vastness of big city life. I knew virtually no one and by chance heard on the radio about a dating service. With hesitancy, I signed up. After having gone out with various gentlemen, on a particular first date a night in September 1971, Cupid struck. The minute I laid eyes on Jim, I knew I would marry him. On September 1, 2018, after 46 years of marriage, I lost the love of my life."

Not long after losing Jim, Audrey reached out to STAR. She wanted to honor his memory with another contribution to the scholarship fund. In addition, Audrey graciously supported our 2018 Friends of STAR donation drive by matching gifts received during the campaign. Her generosity will help ensure that many more will have the opportunity to attend a STAR retreat regardless of their financial situation. 

Despite Audrey's heartache and grief over her tremendous loss, she has chosen to harness the power of love as she begins her own process of healing. Her love for Jim has inspired several poems, and has led her desire to honor his memory with a gift that will help others find the healing, and peace, they seek. Audrey is an example of how, despite great sorrow, we have the ability to channel the love inside of us and use it to begin healing our wounds. 

Those who have attended one of our retreats know that ultimately STAR is about Love, and that harnessing its power is the key to unlocking the pain in our hearts. Love is not merely a word. It's what we say, what we do, the decisions we make. It's a Powerful Force to be reckoned with. It is both what we Need and what we can Use to make us whole and to create the life we want, not only for ourselves, but for all the people touched by the Love inside of us. 

Audrey, we have certainly been touched by the love inside of you. Thank you for your generosity, for your kind and caring spirit, and for showing us that love is the greatest thing we can have, and the greatest thing we can give. 
"Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is." —Gary Zukav
In Loving Memory of Jim Klatkiewicz
Jim & Audrey's cat, Reggie, relaxing at home.
Our most sincere thanks to all who contributed to our yearly Friends of STAR campaign. We are extremely grateful to have the support of our STAR Community as we continue our mission to provide a nurturing environment where adults experience empowerment, inspiration and are given the tools to transform their lives.
From the bottom of our hearts, Thank You!
Upcoming Retreats
2019

Spring:  April 5-14
Summer: July 19-28
Fall: October 18-27

STAR retreats are held at the beautiful Rancho de la Osa in Sasabe, Arizona. This serene setting, in the high desert grasslands of southern Arizona, offers participants a safe, nurturing, and private space to do deep healing work. For more information on our retreat location, click here


One of the biggest compliments we can receive is a referral or testimonial from our STAR graduates. Contact us for more information. 
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Copyright © 2019 STAR Foundation, All rights reserved.

Our mailing address is:
PO BOX 279, Orinda, CA 94563

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December 2018

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Tis the Season of Giving

Make a special year-end donation to the STAR Foundation and your gift will help bring the healing power of STAR to those who otherwise could not afford to attend. 

“I wouldn’t be at STAR without a scholarship. It’s that simple. I cannot thank the Friends of STAR Fund or the STAR community enough, there aren’t adequate words for my gratitude. I know I will pay it forward in some way.” Kathleen M.

“Wonderful, life-changing experience that you can’t put a price tag on. Thanks to all who made these funds available to me. I truly appreciate the generosity!” Amanda C.

A generous STAR Graduate is matching all donations made during this campaign up to $40,000! Your support will make a real and lasting difference in the lives of others. We can't do it without you!  
Donate Now
Copyright © 2018
STAR Foundation, All rights reserved.


Our mailing address is:
PO BOX 279
Orinda, CA 94563

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November 2018

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Join Our Friends of STAR Giving Campaign
Your Donation Dollars Will Be Doubled Thanks To The Generosity of a Former STAR Participant! 

Empathy, Compassion, Love, & Understanding

Over the years, STAR Retreats have come to be known as a unique and powerful process, one that often provides the "missing link" in psychotherapy. From our tranquil retreat location, to our caring and compassionate staff, our retreats allow participants to reach depths that just cannot be tapped into during one-hour therapy appointments once per week. During a 10-day STAR Retreat, participants are able to release old hurts, beliefs, and patterns that have inhibited their full potential. With a greater understanding of themselves, and newfound clarity, they finally experience who they really are, and go home with the tools to create the life they've always wanted to live. Many of our former participants report that their STAR Retreat experience changed the course of their lives in ways they could not have imagined. 
Learn More
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." 
                                                                             -Winston Churchill
The STAR Foundation's ability to continue making a difference in the lives of others is due, in part, to the generous support of people who believe in our mission. People like you. 
We are asking that you help support our mission by taking part in our yearly "Friends of STAR Giving Campaign." As a small nonprofit, funds are often limited. In addition to our general operating costs, each retreat we are asked for scholarships. Due to limited resources, we can only offer a few small awards per retreat. Our goal is to be able to expand access to STAR to those who otherwise cannot afford to attend. 

One of our recent STAR Graduates has committed to helping us raise money for our program. During our Friends of STAR Campaign, all donations will be matched 1-1! 

You may choose to dedicate your tax-deductible gift in one of two ways:

- To our scholarship fund, ensuring that those with financial difficulties may experience the healing power of STAR.

- To our general fund, which will help provide a stable financial base for our work. 


You may donate online, or by check made payable to "STAR Foundation", PO Box 279, Orinda, CA 94563

The STAR Foundations is a 501(c)3 Nonprofit Organization
EIN  77-0009281
Donate Online

Every Gift Helps!

 
On behalf of our Wonderful Staff and Board of Directors, we sincerely Thank You for supporting our work. 

2019 STAR Retreats


Winter Retreat     January 4-13
Spring Retreat     April 5-14
Summer Retreat   July 19-28
Fall Retreat           October 18 -27

Retreats take place at the beautiful Rancho de la Osa Guest Ranch in Sasabe, Arizona. This serene setting, in the high desert grasslands of the Buenos Aires Wildlife Refuge, offers a quiet, peaceful, and private space to do deep healing work. 
One of the greatest compliments we can receive is a referral or testimonial from one of our STAR Graduates. To find out how you can help us in reaching others who may benefit from our program, contact us today!
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Copyright © 2018 STAR Foundation, All rights reserved.


Our mailing address is:
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Orinda, CA 94563

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August 2018

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"Our mission is to provide a nurturing environment
where adults experience empowerment, inspiration,
and are given tools to transform their lives."

 

August & September 2018, The STAR Experience

Table of Contents
The STAR Experience, Kimberly Doughty
Register for a STAR Retreat!
My STAR Experience, Alec McDonell
My STAR Experience, Katie Cayton-Holland
Donate Now

The STAR Experience

One of the things STAR aims to do is to get you into Your Experience. By definition, an Experience is something personally encountered, undergone, or lived through. The STAR process is quite special and unique, but it is not one that is very easy to explain.  It must be felt. It must be lived through. The STAR Experience is just that: an EXPERIENCE. And while everyone will experience STAR in a different way, many find the end result to be the same: a genuine connection to themselves and the world around them, a deeper understanding of the causes behind their pain and suffering, and a desire to continue on their healing journey. 

The STAR Process is designed to help you Experience your Childhood and other areas that may be of concern to you — your Marriage or Relationship, your Job or Career — in a manner that is much deeper in quality, intensity, and time than Talk Therapy can provide.  And it is a Highly Individualized Process, with a Staff/Participant ration of more than one Staff member for every two Participants.  While you may not fully understand the purpose of every STAR experience, and there are lots of different ones provided, you will be encouraged to Trust the Process and your own Experience of the Process throughout STAR.

Every day at STAR is a chance for a new beginning — a chance to uncover the root causes of what has been holding you back in life, a chance to break free from the old patterns that prevent you from living the life you want to live.  STAR is a stepping stone… a launchpad, if you will. And if you are willing to take a leap of faith, you will find that you will come very far in a short time. 

Register Now!
You can find information and register for a Retreat on our website by clicking the links below, or visit here www.starfound.org. Call our office at 520-398-3105 for more information. 
 
STAR retreats are held at the beautiful Rancho de la Osa Guest Ranch in the high desert grasslands of the Buenos Aires Wildlife Refuge in Sasabe, Arizona, surrounded by the Baboquivari Mountains. 
2018 Fall STAR Retreat
October 19 - 28, 2018
Winter Retreat
January 4-13, 2019
Spring Retreat
April 5-14, 2019
Summer Retreat
July 19 - 28, 2019
Fall Retreat
October 18 - 27, 2019
My STAR Experience: 

When I went to STAR in 1996, I was experiencing what has been called male depression. Of course, I didn’t know that at the time. (A therapist named Terrence Real has since written a book about such depression, called “I Don’t Want to Talk About It,” but it wasn’t available in 1996). All I knew is that Life wasn’t Fun any more — everything I did was a Chore, involving Duty and Responsibility (my stepfather’s key motivations, which I had apparently internalized). If my kids wanted to go waterskiing in our boat, I would inwardly groan, “Oh, God, now I have to hook up the trailer, check the battery and fuel, and do more work, work, work!” Since Life wasn’t Fun, neither was I.

I went to STAR because individual therapy, while doing a good job of getting me to explore my Family of Origin Stuff, wasn’t really helping me change. I decided to Immerse myself for 17 days (STAR was 17 days long back in 1996) in a healing environment to see if the Experience of STAR would help speed things up.

One of the ways of looking at STAR is that it’s a Smorgasbord of Experiences and People. STAR is a process involving a host of different experiences and guided by a Team of Facilitators. Some experiences will work for some participants, and other experiences will work for other participants. The Facilitators, while having all been to STAR themselves and while sharing a common philosophy and a strong desire to help others heal, have very different training and experience. Some are therapists; many are not. The only thing they all have in common is that they all went to STAR, they all were where we participants were now. But each one has his or her own Magic to offer. Some of this Magic would work for me, some would not — and that would be true for all the participants.

Well, getting back to My STAR... There eventually came an experience that I was Very Skeptical about, that I didn’t think could Possibly work for me. My Logical & Rational approach to life rejected experiences like this as “Woo Woo,” But everybody at STAR kept telling me to “Trust the Process,” to “Get on the Train and Go for a Ride,” to be willing to at least Try an Experience (just like my mother wanted me to at least Try to eat zucchini...), so I said to myself that I would Let Go of Prejudgment and give myself to this Woo Woo thing.

And this Experience turned out to be the Most Profoundly Healing Experience of My Life! I went into it a depressed male who did not realize that there was a Kid inside of him that wanted to Play and that Knew How to Play. I came out of it with the Kid shining out of my eyes, Ready and Willing to Have Fun, to Be Fun.

And, though I’m now Definitely an Old Man, that Kid is still shining out of my eyes, is forever a part of me, and the Most Important Part of me. STAR Transformed me, and I am So Grateful for that.

Alec, STAR Participant & Longtime Faciliator

I went to STAR in the summer of 2016 at the recommendation of a friend who had just attended. She told me very little about the ins and outs of her experience but gushed to me about the impact and changes it had made on her life. At the time, my now husband and I were engaged and excited about starting a family but knew I needed a few more life tools and a little more help processing childhood struggles before I could responsibly do that.

I was terrified to go to STAR, as it was decidedly out of my comfort zone, but was greeted warmly upon arrival by staff and immediately surrounded by comfort and love in the form of the incredible STAR facilitators and their commitment to every participant. I became very close to two facilitators  who I now call my STAR mom and dad and still speak to regularly. They got to know me for me, not just the struggles I came to STAR with. I never once felt judged or alone. Alec, my STAR dad woke up early every morning to bird watch with me. We’d walk the quiet grounds and talk about the tough stuff I had worked on and learned the previous day. Katharine, my STAR mom, was incredibly patient with me.

I have looked back on this experience numerous times now as I plan for the arrival of my first child. I’m almost two years into marriage now, and my relationship with my husband is stronger than I could have imagined before going to STAR. Throughout my time at STAR, I received invaluable support, validation and confirmation from the other participants. I have found lifelong friends in them, something I hadn’t necessarily expected out of my STAR experience, but am so thankful for.

STAR was not a quick shot to numb the aches and pains; it is an ongoing and constant deep massage, working out the tightness and soreness that come up in daily life.


Katie Cayton-Holland, STAR Participant
Here is what some more of our past participants have to say about their STAR Experience:

“Star is not a place where you can continue your old habits.  You are essentially forced to change because “You” realize there “is” a  part of you that can and wants to change.  STAR is full of amazing loving accepting people, both staff and participants.  If you give it the time to work, it will.  The process did so much for me.  Thank you.”  - Jennifer H.
 
“I’m amazed at the transformation in not only myself, but those I met over these 10 days.  I will never be the same, and that is the most wonderful feeling.  STAR allows us to release the pain in our hearts so that it can be filled with excitement and wonder again.” - KO
 
“This exceeded my expectations and was the transformational experience I had hoped for but was skeptical about.  Thank you all.” – Oliver
 
“My experience at STAR was great.  The staff and atmosphere was comforting and healing.  I learned so much from the process and would highly recommend it to others.” - Emily
 
“STAR has saved my life! I am leaving with a much deeper understanding of the various parts of and how they influence me in my daily life and in the decisions  I make.  I feel much more integrated, more whole.  Most importantly, I left STAR with a much deeper level of self-love and self-acceptance than ever before.  Truly a life-saving and life-affirming experience. – Jeff D.
Your Donation helps to transform lives!

For every retreat that STAR offers, we are asked for scholarships. Due to limited resources, there are only a few available at each retreat.  With your donation, you will help us to serve a larger number of people in crisis so they may experience the transformation and healing they seek. Statistics show 18% of the U.S. population is currently experiencing psychological crisis. 

Donations can be applied toward our Scholarship Fund, or our general fund to help provide a stable financial base for our work. 

Donate online using the button below, or you may send a check payable to "STAR Foundation" P.O. Box 8164 Tumacacori, AZ 85640.

 
Donate Now
STAR Foundation is a 501c(3) Nonprofit Organization
EIN  77-0009281


Copyright © 2018 STAR Foundation, All rights reserved.


Our mailing address is:
P.O. BOX 8164
Tumacacori, AZ 85640

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June 2018

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"Our mission is to provide a nurturing environment
where adults experience empowerment, inspiration,
and are given tools to transform their lives."

 

June & July 2018, Love STAR

Table of Contents
Love, Jed Appelrouth, STAR Board of Directors, Facilitator
Register for a STAR Retreat!
Love STAR, Alec McDonell, STAR Facilitator
Donate Now
Love

Love is one of the foundations of our human experience. From birth we need to connect, to attach, to see and be seen.  It’s encoded into our DNA - a profound need for connection. For some of us, love came easily in the beginning: we were adorable, and we were adored.  We learned we were fundamentally loveable, and our sense of self emerged from that place. For others, love was something we had to work for, to earn, and our sense of self emerged from a very different place. 

At the most human level, each of us wants to be accepted, valued, esteemed and loved.  It takes a great deal of damage to turn off that basic impulse/imperative.  If we have too much pain attempting to connect, we may begin to deny our need for connection. But scratch beneath the surface, and that need is still there, down to the kernel of our being.

When we find love outside of ourselves, it is one of the most wonderful feelings.  Can you remember your first love?  That soaring emotion, that cascade of feeling?  We are wired up to experience that in a big way.  I remember when I first recognized the “big love” I had been searching for - I was unable to sleep, unable to eat and all systems were short-circuited.  I was baffled by the expanse of the feeling, one I didn’t know I was fully capable of experiencing.  In time - as we all come to learn - heady euphoria fades, and we come to understand that kind of love was never designed to last. 

Enduring love is of a different kind.  It is less euphoric by nature.  It is humbler and sweeter - rooted in kindness and compassion. It is our ability to see another, to forgive another, to show up again and again, and to do the work that sustains and nourishes a relationship for years.  That’s the really good stuff.

At STAR I learned a tremendous amount about love, about being gentle and kind, and respectful of myself.  Eventually, I took those lessons on the road, and they began to improve and deepen all of my relationships.  Relationships became healthier and more meaningful. I learned to love my family and show up through the easy and the hard times. I learned to love my friends and be there to celebrate and support them as they did the same for me.  I learned to love my colleagues as we endeavored together.  I learned to love a life-partner and began to craft a life with her. 

The more I am able to show up for myself and love myself, the more I have to bring to all the people in my life.  When my cup is full, I certainly have more to give.  As adults we can show up for ourselves, love ourselves, and bring that love to all of our relationships.
 
Jed Appelrouth, STAR Facilitator and Board of Directors 

Find more information at www.starfound.org.
Register online today or call 520-398-3105. 
Register Now!
You can find information and register for a Retreat on our website by clicking the links below, or visit here www.starfound.org. Call our office at 520-398-3105 for more information. 
 
2018 Summer STAR Retreat
July 20 - 29, 2018  
2018 Fall STAR Retreat
October 19 - 28, 2018
2019 STAR Retreats
2019 Dates are coming soon! Stay Tuned!
STAR Love

The word “Love,” as either a verb or noun, is used to mean lots of different things. There is the unconditional love of a dog, who doesn’t care what you look like or how old or physically fit you are or how well you are groomed or how much money you have. There is the often obsessive love/attraction in a new romantic relationship, where the lovers are sometimes oblivious to the outside world in their mutual infatuation. There is the quieter love in a longterm romantic relationship, in which the partners see each other clearly, yet accept each other’s faults and peculiarities and love each other in spite of them, or sometimes even because of them. We also use the word “love” to describe our passionate interest in activities or objects: I, for instance, love motorcycling and motorcycles, cars, birding, photography, the Boston Red Sox, and the UCONN women’s basketball team. Obsession and Passion can get intertwined in this type of love, too — the word “fan,” after all, is short for “fanatic.”

At STAR we often encounter people who are “looking for love,” which usually means they are looking for someone to love Them, looking to Receive love from Other(s). Many STAR participants come from families who didn’t love them in the way they deserved, who didn’t understand them, who didn’t accept them. They were deprived of the healthy and biologically programmed love of parents for their children. It is natural that they are looking for the love they never received as a child. Looking for that kind of love in a romantic relationship often creates problems.

At STAR we facilitators model ideal parenting so that participants can learn how to parent themselves in a healthy way to heal the wounds that were created in their families of origin. We come to STAR prepared to Love all the participants. But what kind of “Love” is this? It doesn’t sound like any of the Loves that I listed in the first paragraph, does it?

The best definition of this kind of love I have found is M. Scott Peck's, “I define love thus: The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” (The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth)

The first thing I notice about this definition is that it is not about Receiving love, but about Giving it through an Act of Will. The Giving involves “extending one’s self,” so it is a Going Beyond one’s normal way of being in the world. And the purpose is nurturing spiritual growth — nothing about Romance, Sexual Attraction, Living Happily Ever After here! Finally, the spiritual growth that is nurtured is the spiritual growth of one’s self or of another’s. I would suggest that by extending one’s self to nurture the spiritual growth of another, as we facilitators try to do at STAR, we are Always nurturing our own spiritual growth. To put it a different way, since we facilitators all were once STAR participants and have our own wounds from our childhood, by nurturing the spiritual growth of STAR participants we are also helping to heal Ourselves.

But what exactly does Mr. Peck mean by “spiritual growth”? Clearly, he is not writing about some kind of Religion here. The word “spirit” originally referred to breathing, from Latin “spirare,” to breathe. If we look the word up in the dictionary, we find a host of meanings, including “the principle of conscous life; the vital principle in humans; an attitude or principle that inspires, animates, or pervades thought, feeling or action; excellent disposition or attitude in terms of vigor, courage, firmness of intent.” As the verb “inspirit,” we find “to animate with fresh ardor or courage; to encourage, urge on, or stir up to action.” If we distill all these, especially noting the etymology of “breathing,” I suppose we can simply say, “improving our LOVE ability to Live Fully.” And Living Fully involves “vigor, courage (the root of courage is Heart), firmness of intent.” To Inspirit Ourselves is To Breathe, To Live.

At STAR facilitators Extend Ourselves for the purpose of nurturing the Spiritual Growth of participants. In so doing we nurture our own Spiritual Growth. Participants join in Extending Themselves to nurture their Spiritual Growth, that of the other participants, facilitators and STAR staff. The result is STAR is imbued with; immersed in…Love.

Alec McDonell, STAR Facilitator 



For every retreat that STAR offers, we are asked for scholarships. Due to limited resources, there are only a few available at each retreat.  With your donation, you will help us to serve a larger number of people in crisis so they may experience the transformation and healing they seek. Statistics show 18% of the U.S. population is currently experiencing psychological crisis.

There are a couple ways to donate:
    •    Dedicate your donation to the scholarship fund.
    •    Dedicate your donation to the general fund, to provide a stable financial base for our work.

Click here to donate now on our website.

A heartfelt thank you for your continued support of STAR!  Please refer your family, friends and clients to STAR so they, too, can experience the healing and hope for their lives as so many of you have.

Make your tax deductible donation online at our website: www.starfound.org/donations. Or send a check payable to “STAR Foundation”.  STAR Foundation, PO Box 8164, Tumacacori, AZ 85640. Please call the STAR office at 520-398-3105 if you need assistance.

STAR Foundation is tax-exempt under 501(c)(3) of the I.R.S. Code EIN 77-0009281.

 


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May 2018

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"Our mission is to provide a nurturing environment
where adults experience empowerment, inspiration,
and are given tools to transform their lives."

 

Summer, a Time of Renewal

Table of Contents
News from STAR, Jed Appelrouth, STAR Facilitator and Board of Directors
STAR Retreats 2018, Register Now!
Join Us! 
Courage, Kimberly Doughty, STAR Facilitator
Donate Now
News from STAR

Notes from our most recent STAR retreat:

Sunday morning, May 20, we concluded our most recent STAR retreat.  As I looked around at the faces of the participants and staff at our traditional closing circle, it was clear the magic of STAR was alive and well.  There was so much love in the room, and there wasn’t a dry eye to be seen.  The transformation that took place between the Friday arrival and the closing circle the following Sunday was nothing short of miraculous.  Many participants expressed they wished they could stay within the comfort and safety of the bond that had formed over the ten days of STAR.  Some participants expressed they had found a new family, and experienced a sense of safety they had never had in their childhoods.  Others celebrated feelings they had not felt in years, while others were eager to return home and try out their new way of being in the world.  

STAR is a beginning, a glimpse of what life could be like, to live from the heart, from authenticity--to keep the Wise Adult at the center, and the Radiant Child at the core.

STAR offers participants a chance to get out of their heads and go deep to the center of their emotional experience.  Most of us who find our way to STAR come laden with emotional baggage that diminishes our experience of the present.  We bring our reservoirs of unprocessed emotion.  Some of us have tanks filled with unprocessed grief, rage, or shame or other feelings that hold us back in our lives. At STAR we provide participants a chance to release some of those old energies, to experience a greater sense of lightness and freedom from the past. 

This most recent STAR took place at Rancho De La Osa, some 70 miles south of Tucson, less than a mile from the southern Arizona border with Mexico.  In this remote locale participants felt the sense of separation from their regular lives, removed from distractions, able to dive into the deep work of healing.  This was a new location for STAR, and it was a beautiful facility.  One evening, as the participants played drums and other percussion instruments, ceremonially discarding old unwanted things into the camp fire, I was struck by the beauty of the moment--a thousand stars in the sky, the sliver moon, and a grove of giant eucalyptus trees around the courtyard of Rancho De La Osa.    

Anyone who knows the history of STAR knows that STAR was never intended to stay put.  STAR has been on many journeys over its 40 plus years.  STAR had a home at the Pocket Ranch in Northern California.  It travelled to Saratoga Springs, Willet’s Ranch, Dahlonega, GA (where I completed STAR in 2001) and other locations.  For years STAR found a home at Kenyon Ranch in Tubac, AZ, then made its way to Lake Okeechobee in Florida.  STAR has now found a home on the southern edge of Arizona. The beauty of STAR shines wherever it goes, as people find healing and transformation.  

The STAR process is a living, breathing entity.  It moves, it changes, and it evolves.  I have seen these shifts happen real time as we respond to the participants in a particular STAR.  Change revitalizes and strengthens.

STAR is growing and moving forward to its next phase.  At our most recent STAR we welcomed veterans who have been involved with STAR for decades as well as newer facilitators who brought their energy and passion into the mix.  I have been working on the STAR staff for a decade, and the transformations at this most recent STAR were as amazing as any I’ve ever seen at a STAR Retreat.

I feel a renewed sense of purpose and confidence that STAR is moving in a healthy direction, focused on the healing process that we’ve cultivated.  STAR continues to shine brightly.  We are looking forward to keeping the magic alive for years and welcome all of those who want to be part of this legacy of healing, heart and light.

Jed Appelrouth, STAR Facilitator and Board of Directors 

Find more information at www.starfound.org.
Register online today or call 520-398-3105. 
Our Star retreats are filling up quickly!
You can find information and register for a Retreat on our website by clicking the links below, or visit here www.starfound.org. Call our office at 520-398-3105 for more information. 
 
2018 Summer STAR Retreat
July 20 - 29, 2018  
2018 Fall STAR Retreat
October 19 - 28, 2018
2019 STAR Retreats
2019 Dates are coming soon! Stay Tuned!
Join Us!

Join us for the STAR Summer retreat, July 20-29, at the beautiful Rancho De La Osa, in Sasabe, Arizona, www.ranchodelaosa.com.

A STAR Retreat is unique for a multitude of reasons. Our retreat is experiential (with some talk therapy); we use many varied and effective modalities in our process; we create and maintain a very safe and trusting environment; and we maintain a low participant to staff ratio.

Many people, who have experienced very little change after long-term psychotherapy, have enjoyed amazingly rapid progress through the STAR Retreat. Many therapists refer clients to our program who simply need to get “unstuck” or who would benefit from intensive work on their core issues. Their clients benefit from being able to deeply and continuously engage in their work 24/7 while at a STAR Retreat, as opposed to the “stop and start” nature of outpatient therapy.

Visit us at www.starfound.org.
Register online today or call 520-398-3105. 

Below are some photos from the May 2018 STAR retreat. We look forward to seeing you soon! 
Courage

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”   - Ambrose Redmoon

Fear is the number one thing that holds us back in life. We fear that we are not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. We fear that those around us will not accept or support our dreams, ideas, and plans for our lives.  And it’s no wonder.  When we look around, what do we see?  We see all that society, our family, and friends think we should be, and it becomes quite easy to believe that we do not live up to what others envision for us.  This fear is ingrained in many of us from a very early age. 

As children, we want our parents approval. As adolescents, we want approval from our peers, teachers, and family. As we continue to grow, we are so used to seeking approval from the outside world that we rarely spend the time to think about how we feel about ourselves independent of the opinion of others. We have been trained to be fearful of the disapproval of others. This causes us to doubt ourselves, our own strengths, and insights. Fear certainly helps us to stand in our own way, doesn’t it? When we seek validation externally, all we wind up creating is inner turmoil. Despite this, we continue to want to believe what we have always known, and even if it’s awful, it’s comfortable.

There comes a point however, when comfortable just doesn’t feel right anymore. The fear of moving from our comfort zone may still be there, but we begin to slowly accept that there may be something better out there for us. Sometimes it’s not until we reach our far edge of discomfort, that we begin to develop the courage to change our situation, our mindset, and our lives. Very often the word courage is interpreted as simply facing a fear. For many of us this idea of courage is outward, meaning it is defined by what we do for others. Certainly the courageous actions of those portraying a character in a movie or novel are easy to pick out. Running into a fire, or standing up to injustice are undoubtedly feats of courage. But, if we go back to the basics, we discover that the root of the word courage is cor, the latin word for heart. Originally the definition did not include feats of strength, or heroism as we know it today, but simply meant to speak from one’s heart, to be vulnerable, and to trust in yourself as you trust in others. 

If we think of courage from this perspective, then in today’s society, it is quite courageous to believe in yourself, to take care of yourself before others, to speak freely and confidently, and to trust your own inner voice. Not an easy thing to do in a world mostly dependent on the opinions of others. But so long as we continue to rely on the opinions of others to validate us, that inner turmoil will continue. In today’s world true courage is being able to shut down the idea of what others believe we should be, and discover it for ourselves. It is quieting our minds in order to hear the whispers of our own heart.  It is knowing that we have the power to be whatever we want to be.  It is knowing that we are good enough just because we are. 

Maybe being courageous isn’t solely about our ability to protect or stand up for others. Maybe having courage is also about protecting ourselves, healing ourselves, and loving ourselves.

Kimberly Doughty, STAR Facilitator 

Photos by Susannah Castro, used by permission of the artist.


For every retreat that STAR offers, we are asked for scholarships. Due to limited resources, there are only a few available at each retreat.  With your donation, you will help us to serve a larger number of people in crisis so they may experience the transformation and healing they seek. Statistics show 18% of the U.S. population is currently experiencing psychological crisis.

There are a couple ways to donate:
    •    Dedicate your donation to the scholarship fund.
    •    Dedicate your donation to the general fund, to provide a stable financial base for our work.

Click here to donate now on our website.

A heartfelt thank you for your continued support of STAR!  Please refer your family, friends and clients to STAR so they, too, can experience the healing and hope for their lives as so many of you have.

Make your tax deductible donation online at our website: www.starfound.org/donations. Or send a check payable to “STAR Foundation”.  STAR Foundation, PO Box 8164, Tumacacori, AZ 85640. Please call the STAR office at 520-398-3105 if you need assistance.

STAR Foundation is tax-exempt under 501(c)(3) of the I.R.S. Code EIN 77-0009281.

 


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April 2018

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"Our mission is to provide a nurturing environment
where adults experience empowerment, inspiration,
and are given tools to transform their lives."

 

Spring is here!

Table of Contents
STAR Retreats 2018, Register Now!
Join Us! 
News from STAR
Donate Now
Our Star retreats are filling up quickly!
You can find information and register for a Retreat on our website by clicking the links below, or visit here www.starfound.org. Call our office at 520-398-3105 for more information. 
 
2018 Spring STAR Retreat
May 11-20, 2018
2018 Summer STAR Retreat
July 20 - 29, 2018  
2018 Fall STAR Retreat
October 19 - 28, 2018
Join Us!

There are still a few spaces left in the upcoming STAR retreat, May 11-20, at the beautiful Rancho De La Osa, in Sasabe, Arizona, www.ranchodelaosa.com.

A STAR Retreat is unique for a multitude of reasons. Our retreat is experiential (with some talk therapy); we use many varied and effective modalities in our process; we create and maintain a very safe and trusting environment; and we maintain a low participant to staff ratio.

Many people, who have experienced very little change after long-term psychotherapy, have enjoyed amazingly rapid progress through the STAR Retreat. Many therapists refer clients to our program who simply need to get “unstuck” or who would benefit from intensive work on their core issues. Their clients benefit from being able to deeply and continuously engage in their work 24/7 while at a STAR Retreat, as opposed to the “stop and start” nature of outpatient therapy.

Visit us at www.starfound.org.
Register online today or call 520-398-3105. 

Take a look at some photos of the historic retreat location below. 
Photos by Susannah Castro, used by permission of the artist.
News from STAR

Dear Friends,
We have an exciting new project in the works. Our STAR alumni and staff are working to develop a new community platform that will allow graduates to keep in touch more easily. Look for news and invitations to join us as we move forward. 

Many STAR alumni have found value in attending a second retreat. If you are considering attending STAR a second time, do not hesitate to reach out.  We value each of you as part of our community, along with your input and ideas. Please remember to refer your friends and family who may benefit from attending a STAR retreat. 

Find more information at www.starfound.org.
Register online today or call 520-398-3105. 


For every retreat that STAR offers, we are asked for scholarships. Due to limited resources, there are only a few available at each retreat.  With your donation, you will help us to serve a larger number of people in crisis so they may experience the transformation and healing they seek. Statistics show 18% of the U.S. population is currently experiencing psychological crisis.

There are a couple ways to donate:
    •    Dedicate your donation to the scholarship fund.
    •    Dedicate your donation to the general fund, to provide a stable financial base for our work.

Click here to donate now on our website.

A heartfelt thank you for your continued support of STAR!  Please refer your family, friends and clients to STAR so they, too, can experience the healing and hope for their lives as so many of you have.

Make your tax deductible donation online at our website: www.starfound.org/donations. Or send a check payable to “STAR Foundation”.  STAR Foundation, PO Box 8164, Tumacacori, AZ 85640. Please call the STAR office at 520-398-3105 if you need assistance.

STAR Foundation is tax-exempt under 501(c)(3) of the I.R.S. Code EIN 77-0009281.

 


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March 2018

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"Our mission is to provide a nurturing environment
where adults experience empowerment, inspiration,
and are given tools to transform their lives."

 

New Beginnings and Welcoming Spring

Table of Contents
STAR Retreats 2018, Register Now!
New Beginnings and Rancho De La Osa
A STAR Graduate Story
Donate Now
Our Star retreats are filling up quickly!
You can find  information, including how to register, on our website by clicking the links below.
 
2018 Spring STAR Retreat
May 11-20, 2018
2018 Summer STAR Retreat
July 20 - 29, 2018  
2018 Fall STAR Retreat
October 19 - 28, 2018

Dear Friends,
Our next STAR retreat is coming up soon (May 11-20) at the beautiful Rancho De La Osa, in Sasabe, Arizona. The STAR Staff and Board of Directors are looking forward to sharing this location with retreat participants. Please take a moment to learn more by visiting their website here www.ranchodelaosa.com.

With spring beginning in Southern Arizona, the poppies are blooming and the cottonwood trees are already getting their new green leaves. Below are some photos of our retreat accommodations. 
Photos by Susannah Castro, used by permission of the artist.
A STAR Story

If you have ever had this feeling where nothing about life makes any sense, all of it seemingly pointless. an overwhelming feeling of emptiness? Well, that's me, that's been me for as long as I can remember. I spent hundreds of hours in therapy, read numerous self-help books, listened to countless podcasts, all leading to nowhere. It just felt like hope was alluding me. I felt like the hole is getting deeper, darker, and denser. It was by rare chance that I found the STAR program while searching for something else online. I couldn't get much from the website itself but there was something there that pulled me in. There was something about the simplicity, authenticity, and openness that were flowing out of the information I was reading about the program. Still, it was a huge leap of faith from my end to take 10 days off from work for a program I did not yet understand.

My childhood was a very dysfunctional one. For as far back as I can remember, I felt lonely, isolated, and most of all unloved. My mother was a maniac, a constant barrage of outbursts coming from every direction all the time about anything and everything. Nothing could seem to tame that women. My dad on the other hand, was the coldest cucumber I've ever gotten to know. He was a very intelligent man with a well practiced calm demeanor, which made it seem like he is the square headed one with all the right ideas and solutions. It was only natural for me as a little impressionable child to pick up on my dad's powerful trait of being able to take a beating and not flinch, it made him seem indestructible. Some days it seemed like he was actually enjoying the yelling and insults flying from my mothers direction, and with his calm voice throw a little sly remark out there that would just intensify her anger even further. My childhood was filled with sadness stemming from so many different areas which I will not get into right now, but the end result of my exposure to it all was me, a closed off person with tremendous pain buried deep inside of me. I found myself as a young adult being completely isolated, lonely, always feeling unloved, and in a miserable depression I could not seem to get out of.

As luck, God, the universe, or whatever you wish to call it (although I prefer luck), may have it, I found Star and signed up. From the moment I arrived at STAR, there was something very powerful that I felt that I could not yet explain. There was a certain sense of safety that seemed so strangely odd but yet comfortable. The smiling faces of the best staff this universe has to offer welcoming me upon arrival probably had a lot to do with it. I was still very much frightened, not knowing what to expect. I was still very much in a place of complete hopelessness and had no idea how it would even be possible to ever get out of it. Well, I did! Somehow after only a short while, I found myself unloading layers and layers of deep unprocessed pain. With the care and love of this unbelievable staff, I was able to tap into my childhood, see the fear and the pain, face the anguish, and in the end learn some compassion and acceptance for what had happened to me. 

I cannot thank the STAR program enough for what they have done for me. Life is and remains a challenge where some days it feels like it's been very specifically designed to be rigged against any decent human being; but its like a blind person seeing color for the first time, it simply cannot be unseen. Once I saw and felt what life can offer in its most purest form, the love, the joy, the amazing feeling of decades of pain being lifted off my shoulders, I can never forget it. It remains stern in front of my eyes waiting for me to reach out and grab it!

With STAR love
Moses

STAR Graduate


For every retreat that STAR offers, we are asked for scholarships. Due to limited resources, there are only a few available at each retreat.  With your donation, you will help us to serve a larger number of people in crisis so they may experience the transformation and healing they seek. Statistics show 18% of the U.S. population is currently experiencing psychological crisis.

There are a couple ways to donate:
    •    Dedicate your donation to the scholarship fund.
    •    Dedicate your donation to the general fund, to provide a stable financial base for our work.

Click here to donate now on our website.

A heartfelt thank you for your continued support of STAR!  Please refer your family, friends and clients to STAR so they, too, can experience the healing and hope for their lives as so many of you have.

Make your tax deductible donation online at our website: www.starfound.org/donations. Or send a check payable to “STAR Foundation”.  STAR Foundation, PO Box 8164, Tumacacori, AZ 85640. Please call the STAR office at 520-398-3105 if you need assistance.

STAR Foundation is tax-exempt under 501(c)(3) of the I.R.S. Code EIN 77-0009281.

 


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December 2017 - 2 of 2

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"Our mission is to provide a nurturing environment
where adults experience empowerment, inspiration,
and are given tools to transform their lives."

 

Trust

 

Happy Holidays

We wish you a Happy Holiday Season and a New Year filled with love and light!
From all of us at STAR Foundation, thank you for being a part of STAR.

Please take a moment to visit STAR's new website at www.starfound.org

Founder's Corner


Tis’ the season to be jolly, but everyone gives their own meaning to the holiday season.  It is not always a jolly one.  That is not unusual considering we add our own meaning to everything.  I thought I would share the meaning I give to Christmas.  It is about a young woman giving birth in a barn, which also sheltered warm family farm animals.  In the world of natural birth advocates, it is an exquisite example of one.  For it is about a child, not a specific child, but your own inner child, and mine too.  The star in the story reminds me not only of my life’s work, but to remember the light,  the innocence, and the possibilities within each one of us. 
 
My kid loves Christmas.  We light candles even when Magic is the only one present.  I make English toffee because I love sharing it.  It makes me happy using the stained and torn fifty year old recipe which is almost beyond reading.  There is a lot about doing and buying in the holiday season and also about giving and receiving.  To me when you give from your heart, you also receive. 
 
I used to try to do it all; Christmas cards, decorations, cookies, presents, the whole thing.  We kept our Christmas lights turned on the carport all year long.  We were known as the Christmas light house. Christmas is about birth of peace, of renewal, reconnecting with others you love, just like a natural birth, a joyous time, a quiet and holy time as well.  Remember your inner child and others as well no matter the age.  Have a joyous holiday season, and let your little light shine!
 
Love,
Barbara Findeisen
Our Star retreats are filling up quickly!
You can find  information, including how to register, on our website by clicking the links below.
 

2018 Winter STAR Retreat 
January 19 - 28, 2018                  
                     
2018 Spring STAR Retreat
April 13 - 22, 2018

2018 Summer STAR Retreat 
July 20 - 29, 2018                         
 
2018 Fall STAR Retreat 
October 19 - 28, 2018                

Trust, An Important Value in Human Relationships 


Trust is the topic of our newsletter this month and I feel it is a very important value in human relationships.  Trust is a confidence in someone or a group to be reliable, dependable and good for their word.

In relationships it is imperative to be able to trust and feel sure without any doubt that the other person may be counted on to live up to their word and be reliable and to keep promises they have made.  When trust is broken and vows and promises not kept, a deep feeling of betrayal is often the result.  In order to repair broken trust, the person must be willing to be completely accountable and willing to repair the relationship.  Often this does not work and I feel that is one reason why there are so many divorces in our society.  

In work environments and other group environments it is important to be able to trust your cohorts to keep their agreements and be responsible for their actions.  The team must be able to trust each other to live up to their responsibilities.

Some people have very little ability to trust due to their attachment or lack of it while growing up.  If a person does not have trustworthy, reliable attachment figures from infancy on, they do not learn how to trust. 

This is repairable and that is why STAR is so valuable.  We provide a safe environment for people to be able to feel confident and secure enough to work on their attachment issues.  I have witnessed many people who have learned what it means to trust.  They first must be able to trust themselves in order to trust another human being.

A person must first learn to be accountable and trust themselves before they can form a trusting bond with another.

If you feel you have trust or attachment issues, think about attending a STAR retreat.  Our next one starts January 19th.  Healing from attachment wounds is one of many issues we work with.  We would love to help you learn to trust!

- Candace Rosen, STAR Clinical Director
"Mission Inn", Kathy Reid

Listen Little Girl

Little girl, little girl, listen to your heart beat.
Life is unsettling and dull.  
Darkness sometimes surrounds you,
Especially alone at night.
Repeated visions/dreams of scary monkeys grabbing at you
From under the bed causing trauma.
Nobody comes to help or rescue you, all alone.
Parents arguing, Mama crying,
Never enough money is mostly what I hear.
Dad playing craps in the corner of the living room
filled with dense cigar smoke and loud men’s voices egging one another on,
beer bottles spinning, falling to the floor;
can’t sleep, nobody can sleep, house is tiny.
Mama cries more and my new baby brother cries too.
So much unhappiness?  Hard to remember.
Mama sends me to stay with my Daddy’s Mama,
Grandpa just died and Grandma is sad so we cheer one another up.
My Grandma lives nearby in a big white house.
My own room, stories at bedtime, favorite food,
rocking on the porch swing after dinner listening to the crickets.
Teas and fashion shows,
Newly sewn Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy with special hearts
stitched into their chests, made just for me by my Grandma.
Just the two of us, sharing this happy time together, feeling so loved.
We were “two peas in a pod” as Grandma would say.
An equal exchange of love, trust, admiration, and devotion.
I don’t want to go home, as this is the place I belong.
Little girl, little girl, listen to your heart beat.

- Kathy Reid, STAR Board of Directors

“Mission Inn”, Kathy Reid
"My time at STAR has changed my life. The program helped me to reevaluate
many issues that I did not even realize were troubling me. Issues which I came to realize were causing me a lot of angst and creating negative or self-defeating
behavior. 

The retreat gave me skills to rethink and reorganize several aspects
of my life. I am much happier and although people are guessing that  I changed my hair or had plastic surgery, it is apparent to everyone that I am different and “lighter”. 

It is hard work to attend and put your all into everything that is addressed. It is a very intense 10 days, but well worth the personal reflection and growth it produces. I am happier and calmer and more at peace!
"

– STAR 2017 Graduate.
Donate Now!
Help those with limited resources be able to attend a STAR Retreat.

Last chance to make your tax deductible donation before the end of the year!
A heart felt thank you for your continued support of STAR! 
Please refer your family, friends and clients to STAR so they, too, experience the healing and hope for their lives as so many of you have.

Make your tax deductible donation online at our website: starfound.org/donations. Or send a check payable to “STAR Foundation” and mail to the STAR Foundation, PO Box 8164, Tumacacori, AZ 85640.

Please call the STAR office at 520-398-3105 if you need assistance.

Authors and photography contributors retain all copyrights to their work.


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"Our mission is to provide a nurturing environment
where adults experience empowerment, inspiration,
and are given tools to transform their lives."

 

Thank you from the STAR Foundation


Dear Friends,
As the year draws to a close, we at STAR would like to say thank you to all of you who are a part of the STAR community. It is through the power of creating this community that supports one another in transformation and personal healing that we are able to move forward from a place of power, and a deep knowing that we are not alone. It is with sincere gratitude for all of you that we send our wishes for a beautiful and light-filled holiday season and welcome to the new year. 

If you are able to contribute financially to the STAR end-of-year donation drive, it is much appreciated. Please see the ways to do so below. Every donation helps us to offer the STAR experience to others in need. If you have already contributed, thank you. If your contribution is your continued presence in our community, thank you. We are honored by the ongoing love and support we see each day within our STAR community.
 
"STAR was a pivotal, life-changing experience. Its ongoing effects are still being felt. It was the "spring board" for more courageous work. I will always be grateful I was guided and encouraged to go!" - STAR Graduate

Donate now to help more people from STAR!
For every retreat that STAR offers, we are asked for scholarships. Due to limited resources, there are only a few available at each retreat.  The typical scholarship requested is from $800 – $1,500.  With your donation, you will help us to serve a larger number of people in crisis so they may experience the transformation and healing they seek. Statistics show 18% of the U.S. population is currently experiencing psychological crisis.

There are a couple ways to donate:
    •    Dedicate your donation to the scholarship fund.
    •    Dedicate your donation to the general fund, to provide a stable financial base for our work.

Click here to donate now on our website.

A heartfelt thank you for your continued support of STAR!  Please refer your family, friends and clients to STAR so they, too, can experience the healing and hope for their lives as so many of you have.

Make your tax deductible donation online at our website: www.starfound.org/donations. Or send a check payable to “STAR Foundation”.  STAR Foundation, PO Box 8164, Tumacacori, AZ 85640. Please call the STAR office at 520-398-3105 if you need assistance.

In gratitude,

STAR Board of Directors:
Barbara Findeisen, Founder & President
Candace Rosen, Clinical Director
Jed Applerouth, Treasurer
Kathy Reid, Secretary
Patricia Martin, Member

STAR Foundation is tax-exempt under 501(c)(3) of the I.R.S. Code EIN 77-0009281.

 
Our Star retreats are filling up quickly!
You can find  information, including how to register, on our website by clicking the links below.

                 2018 Winter STAR Retreat            2018 Spring STAR Retreat
                 January 19 - 28, 2018                    April 13 - 22, 2018
                      

                 2018 Summer STAR Retreat          2018 Fall STAR Retreat
                 July 20 - 29, 2018                           October 19 - 28, 2018
                  

 


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"Our mission is to provide a nurturing environment
where adults experience empowerment, inspiration,
and are given tools to transform their lives."

 

Unconditional Love


Please take a moment to visit STAR's new updated website!
You can find it here at www.starfound.org


Wishing all of you the happiest of holidays. Thank you for being a part of STAR.

Founder's Corner

Unconditional love is always a blessing.  It erases fear and guilt.  Since love is the opposite of fear, it must be without judgement.  Obviously, judgement is conditional.  It requires an open heart and a clear mind free of negativity to experience love, at least at that particular time.  It can come in an instant or over a lifetime. 
 
The most important time to be unconditionally loved is at the beginning, from the womb, birth and infancy, for at that time, either love or fear is imprinted in the brain. Fortunately, even then unconditional love can come suddenly almost miraculously.  Experiencing your own heart opening and healing your mind is what STAR is about.  See the holiday season through the eyes of the love in your heart.  It is there waiting for you. 
 
Love and blessings from my heart to yours.
 
Barbara
"Fall Mountains, Telluride", Jed Appelrouth
Our Star retreats are filling up quickly!
You can find  information, including how to register, on our website by clicking the links below.
 

2018 Winter STAR Retreat 
January 19 - 28, 2018                  
                     
2018 Spring STAR Retreat
April 13 - 22, 2018

2018 Summer STAR Retreat 
July 20 - 29, 2018                         
 
2018 Fall STAR Retreat 
October 19 - 28, 2018                

The Value of Unconditional Love 


Unconditional love is not judging or punishing others, but loving without conditions.

To love another person, you must first express healthy self-love so you have the strength of heart and mind to give unconditional love. It’s not about being a martyr as this can leave you feeling resentful.  You must establish healthy boundaries and respect others’ boundaries to express unconditional love.

Forgiveness is difficult, but essential.  To forgive does not mean you are willing to allow another person to be hurtful, but it helps you to not hold on to negative thoughts that are harmful to you physically and spiritually making unconditional love impossible.

To love someone unconditionally is not always easy or comfortable.  When someone is challenging there is going to be pain and discomfort, but to protect yourself or others from these feelings is not helpful.  You must express your truth and allow others to do the same without judgment.

Learning to love unconditionally is new for many of us, but if we have had the good fortune to receive or give love without conditions, we understand how liberating and powerful it is in healing personal wounds and in establishing fulfilling relationships with others.

Pat Martin, STAR Board of Directors
 
"Mountain Stream, Telluride", Jed Appelrouth

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love applies to many aspects of life. I would like to speak to the concept of unconditional love as it applies to child rearing. In my experience, both personally and professionally, unconditional love is a rarity. In fact, what I often see is that  conditional love is the predominant method of child rearing. If there is love (which is often not the case) it gets withdrawn by the parent if/when the child does something the parent does not approve of, or if the child’s behavior or feelings don’t fit into the image of what the parent wants the child to be. Instead of getting angry at the behavior, which may or may not be warranted, the parent often gets angry at the child rather than the child’s “behavior.” The child often ends up feeling she/he is bad, stupid, or worthless and unloved. This could be the beginning of deeply held trauma. The child’s punishment could be in the form of physical abuse or some kind of emotional abuse like being shamed or humiliated or being hit with words. Whatever it is, when love is shut off or withdrawn as a way of disciplining, it can lead to a lack of trust, a lack of feeling of safe and secure, and a shutting down of her/his feelings and heart. And from what I’ve seen, this has happened to a lot of us. 

The good news is, we can get some of what we’ve lost back. The presence of unconditional love has the power to heal. And by unconditional love, I don’t mean “nicey nicey everything is beautiful.” I mean someone with a caring, open heart who is nonjudgmental and can really listen and stay present in the midst of deep pain, anger, sadness or fear. It may be rare, but when you experience it, it can be like finding the freedom of coming home to yourself.  I believe unconditional love is at the root of much of the healing that takes place at STAR. In an environment of unconditional love participants are able to let down their guard, their defenses, to some extent at least, and are able to be vulnerable. It is that vulnerability that allows them to connect with their feelings and their hearts. It allows them to peek out from their fortress of defenses and be more human and real. People often eventually feel safe when unconditional love is present and that’s where real healing can begin.

Kenny Ball, STAR Facilitator

“Grape Harvest in Oregon”, Kathy Reid

My Mother's Unconditional Love

My little brother was always different in odd ways that were difficult for me to understand at six years old.  For a kid growing up on a ranch, he didn’t have much interest in playing outside or riding around in the truck with my Dad.  He was already an actor by two years old entertaining himself and his imaginary friends, using my closet for his convenient wardrobe.

I later understood that my brother was homosexual.  He was a curse to my macho rancher father.  Dad was of the mindset that you could toughen a kid up and “change his way of thinking”.  His disapproval was traumatizing to my brother, particularly at that young age. The more my Dad verbally assaulted him, the more my brother withdrew and found protection with my Mother.  Literally hiding behind her skirts in our kitchen when Dad was on one of his rants.  Our Dad lived his life never accepting or tolerating my brother which left this bright, talented, handsome boy psychologically damaged.

My parents divorced when my little brother was only seven years old.  The ending of their marriage was a blessing, as my brother escaped the torment my father constantly directed towards him.  My Mother and siblings and I moved to the city to be close to supportive relatives.  The local school’s curriculum didn’t challenge my brother’s intellect.  He found refuge in singing and acting, landing the lead rolls in most plays he auditioned for.  His beautiful voice took him to Europe with a troop of singers in the 70’s when drugs were readily available.  He traveled for several months where he experienced a new kind of excitement with friendships and drugs.  When he ran out of money and friends, he returned seeking refuge and stability, taking shelter with our Mom once again.  This time as a young adult.  

My brother became rather self-destructive and attempted suicide a few times that first year after his return from Europe.  Our Mother was a constant, compassionate support to my brother.  She became frustrated over the lack of mental health programs and services for suicide prevention.  Her search was constant, defeating and unsuccessful.  Her profound love for this child came from forgiving and accepting him truly for who he was rather than what anyone thought, or judged or misunderstood. There was hope that he could find the help he needed and shake the addiction monkey on his back.  It was a slow climb back to sobriety which he was finally successful at in his late twenties. I see my brother as a reflection of our Mother’s unconditional love and acceptance.  She understood the importance that everyone, particularly her children, deserved to love and be loved without condition or judgement.  She also understood and encouraged us to follow our own paths with the unique talents we each possessed.  She was our constant champion and true example of unconditional love.

Quote: “If we make our goal to live a life of compassion and unconditional love, then the world will indeed become a garden where all kinds of flowers can bloom and grow.” Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Kathy Reid, STAR Board of Directors

"Kalamuth", Kathy Reid
"My time at STAR has changed my life. The program helped me to reevaluate
many issues that I did not even realize were troubling me. Issues which I came to realize were causing me a lot of angst and creating negative or self-defeating
behavior. 

The retreat gave me skills to rethink and reorganize several aspects
of my life. I am much happier and although people are guessing that  I changed my hair or had plastic surgery, it is apparent to everyone that I am different and “lighter”. 

It is hard work to attend and put your all into everything that is addressed. It is a very intense 10 days, but well worth the personal reflection and growth it produces. I am happier and calmer and more at peace!
"

– STAR 2017 Graduate.
Donate now to help those with limited resources be able to attend a STAR Retreat.
For every retreat that STAR offers, we are asked for scholarships. Due to limited resources, there are only a few available at each retreat.  The typical scholarship requested is from $800 – $1,500.  With your donation, you will help us to serve a larger number of people in crisis so they may experience the transformation and healing they need. Statistics show 18% of the U.S. population is currently experiencing psychological crisis.

There are a couple ways to donate:
    •    Dedicate your donation to the scholarship fund.
    •    Dedicate your donation to the general fund, to provide a stable financial base for our work.

A heart felt thank you for your continued support of STAR!  Please refer your family, friends and clients to STAR so they, too, experience the healing and hope for their lives as so many of you have.

Make your tax deductible donation online at our website: www.starfound.org/donations. Or send a check payable to “STAR Foundation”.  STAR Foundation, PO Box 8164, Tumacacori, AZ 85640. Please call the STAR office at 520-398-3105 if you need assistance.


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"Our mission is to provide a nurturing environment
where adults experience empowerment, inspiration,
and are given tools to transform their lives."

 

Become a Friend of STAR!


Dear Valued Friends,
You all know the importance and impact that STAR has on people’s lives.
This is one of the many testimonials the STAR staff receives after a STAR Retreat.  These experiences validate the work Barbara started almost 40 years ago and continues today.
" My time at STAR has changed my life. The program helped me to reevaluate
many issues that I did not even realize were troubling me. Issues which I came to realize were causing me a lot of angst and creating negative or self-defeating
behavior.  The retreat gave me skills to rethink and reorganize several aspects
of my life.  I am much happier and although people are guessing that  I changed my hair or had plastic surgery, it is apparent to everyone that I am different and “lighter”.  It is hard work to attend and put your all into everything that is addressed.  It is a very intense 10 days, but well worth the personal reflection and growth it produces. I am happier and calmer and more at peace!
" – STAR 2017 Graduate.
Donate now to help more people from STAR!
For every retreat that STAR offers, we are asked for scholarships. Due to limited resources, there are only a few available at each retreat.  The typical scholarship requested is from $800 – $1,500.  With your donation, you will help us to serve a larger number of people in crisis so they may experience the transformation and healing they need. Statistics show 18% of the U.S. population is currently experiencing psychological crisis.

There are a couple ways to donate:
    •    Dedicate your donation to the scholarship fund.
    •    Dedicate your donation to the general fund, to provide a stable financial base for our work.

A heart felt thank you for your continued support of STAR!  Please refer your family, friends and clients to STAR so they, too, experience the healing and hope for their lives as so many of you have.
Make your tax deductible donation online at our website: www.starfound.org/donations. Or send a check payable to “STAR Foundation”.  STAR Foundation, PO Box 8164, Tumacacori, AZ 85640. Please call the STAR office at 520-398-3105 if you need assistance.
In gratitude,

Board of Directors:
Barbara Findeisen, Founder & President
Candace Rosen, Clinical Director
Jed Appelrouth, Treasurer
Kathy Reid, Secretary
Patricia Martin, Member
STAR Foundation is tax-exempt under 501(c) (3) of the I.R.S. Code EIN 77-0009281.
"Desert Sunset", Susannah Castro

Our Star retreats are filling up quickly!
You can find  information, including how to register, on our website by clicking the links below.
 
2018 Winter STAR Retreat 
January 19 - 28, 2018                  
                     
2018 Spring STAR Retreat
April 13 - 22, 2018

2018 Summer STAR Retreat 
July 20 - 29, 2018                         
 
2018 Fall STAR Retreat 
October 19 - 28, 2018                
 


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