Need a Support Group? It’s Right at Your Fingertips


STAR Foundation Newsletter

Need a Support Group? It’s Right at Your Fingertips
by Lee Franklin

In the final days of STAR, Barbara put us all in touch with a support group I’ve been meeting with ever since. It’s the most amazing kind of support. They’ve been available for me, fully present, and virtual­ly on a moment’s notice. They’re uncon­ditionally accepting, understanding and loving. In two years they have never failed to bring me to peace. They’ve brought me deep healing. They’ve helped me find dharma for me.

They’ve helped me to be with the unease until I could see the actual pain. They’ve helped me to be with pain until I could see its cause. They’ve helped me to be with the cause of my pain until I knew what I needed to do about it. They’ve helped me to be with the ‘doing’ about it until I felt relief. They’ve helped me be with the relief of it until I could see I was healing. And they’ve helped me to be with my healing until I could appreciate that it’s all a miracle.

The support team (for purposes of this article I’m calling it ‘Real-Time Support’) is my Inner Child, my Good Parent, and my Higher Self. We meet at the computer keyboard whenever my Child’s in pain. The Child chose right off to appear in ital­ics. Good Parent shows up in bold. Higher Self at first showed up only in meditation, especially when my Child requested in the midst of a dialogue that I ‘please meditate now.’

I came home from STAR at peace. For the first time, I knew what ‘peace’ for me was. Peace is ‘not fear, not anger and not sadness—right now.’ So my formula for dialogue was simple. Daily I’d check in with my Child. Daily he reports his feel­ings: ‘some fear, a lot of anger, no sad­ness.’ He’d say. Good Parent would respond with unconditional love. Let’s take them one at a time. What’s triggering your pain right now? Is the pain current or old? What would you like me to do about it?

My Child demanded changes. Good Parent agreed to everything within reason.

My Child demanded the truth be spoken. Good Parent helped him strip his truth of the anger, or fear, or sadness that sur­rounded it. Then Good Parent agreed to speak that truth to the appropriate people. My Child spoke the truth about his deep-seated fears. Good Parent reminded him how we stood up for him in the feeling sessions during STAR. Sometimes he would ask, in effect, to return to those feeling sessions. He’d ask me to stand up for him again, with Dad. And right at the keyboard, Dad (who’s been dead for 35 years) would appear. He’d show up in another font. Good Parent would tell him in no uncertain terms what he’d done to this gorgeous Child’s life. In the early post-STAR days Good Parent would lapse into rage—he’d take on the rage of Inner Child. Then Dad would respond. He’d make no excuses for his mistakes. He’d ask for our forgiveness. We’d do our best to forgive. There would follow a moment of intense healing. We would hug Dad (not an option when I was a child). As the healing progressed the rage subsided.

I still dialogue whenever I notice I’ve lost my peace. Now it happens two to three times a month. In a recent dialogue/feeling session we were dealing with old pain, and Inner Child asked again to return to Dad. As if on a mind-trip or in a dream, we walked hand-in-hand into the kitchen of 45 years ago. My Child looked up as we walked. ‘Why does he hate me?’ he asked. His beautiful little blue eyes were filled with tears. Good Parent explained: ‘He doesn’t hate you. He’s terrified. More than anything he wants to be loved. He’s created a family that’s afraid of him. You remind him of his ter­ror.’ My Child then spoke from our soul: ‘I want to forgive him now’. When we found Dad in the kitchen, he did. This feels like completion.

In a newsletter dedicated to STAR sup­port groups, I wanted to acknowledge my most healing one. Inner Child—known around the keyboard as Little One. Good Parent. And Higher Self, who turned out to be the big surprise. Higher Self joined us initially through meditation. Then he showed up in our sleep—with wonderful­ly loving ideas and suggestions. Now he shows up in Little One. It’s as if he was waiting under the wounds.

What a group! It’s the partnership of all partnerships. They’re my key to peace. To think it all began with that 20 minute exercise near the end of STAR, where Little One spoke to me for the first time through my non-dominant hand.