Anger Management

Anger management issues? Have you been told you are a bit aggressive or hot headed? Is your temper hijacking the life you want? Do you find yourself in seemingly endless cycles of conflict with others? Is your anger costing you relationships, health and/or money? If appropriate anger expression or dealing with unresolved anger is a problem for you, a STAR retreat can help.

Sometimes anger, resentment, jealousy, and aggressive impulses seem to dominate our lives. Frequent anger outbursts can cost us our health, our most valued relationships, or even a job.

For some of us anger is the primary way we express ourselves in an attempt to get our needs met. Feelings of frustration, annoyance, hurt, shame, helplessness, or disappointment may arise frequently, followed by quick, often loud or aggressive reactions.

When you’ve had a really bad day or things aren’t going as expected, and someone “pushes your buttons” you may find yourself raising your voice, becoming aggressive, hostile, even destructive. Your anger may sometimes surprise you as you come face to face with a part of yourself that acts out of control. And, later there are “messes to clean up:” hurt feelings, damaged relationships, or even destroyed property.

What may feel like simply expressing yourself can cause others to shut down, turn away or become aggressive in return. At a STAR retreat you can learn to control your anger before it controls you. In a safe and caring environment you will turn your anger problem and dealing with unresolved anger into appropriate anger expression. You will find your center and get back on track.

Anger is a completely normal emotion. It is a natural adaptive response to threats that allows us to protect and defend ourselves and those we care about. Anger often rises when we have an expectation that is not met, when we feel threatened in some way.

The issue is not anger itself but how we express it. Some of us act out our anger, while others “act in.” Some of us become upset, even furious, and act out while others retreat, shut down and wall themselves off. They may then handle the big feelings by ultimately harming themselves instead of others. Such behaviors as eating for comfort, using alcohol or other substances, or acting passive aggressive become a way out. Both those who act in and act out may become sensitive to reading the cues of others, obsess about small details and become extremely self-critical. Whether your anger problem is acting out on others or turning it in on yourself, a STAR retreat can help you turn your unresolved anger into confident, appropriate self-expression that helps you have the relationships and the life you want.

Although anger is a natural part of life, unfortunately, our culture doesn't teach us healthy ways of expressing our feelings, especially anger. Children are often taught to repress their negative feelings and often withdraw and feel helpless, like victims. Consequently they are unable to speak up for themselves and may not recognize that they have anger management issues. Or, children act out their frustrations but are never really heard, understood or given appropriate guidance to deal with their unresolved anger.

When victimized by abuse and neglect, children often repeat the pattern. Parents and other caregivers often not only judge, shame, and criticize children but they fail to model or teach healthy ways of expressing emotions. Because of these intense experiences, children grow into adults with unresolved anger who act-out. These anger issues lead to internal chatter that is forever judging and criticizing. This lack of self-compassion contributes to continual internal pain. Eventually, this pain is used not only to hurt themselves, but also to hurt others.

In our STAR retreats we teach healthy ways to harness negative emotions and energy and to appropriately express anger without harming self or others. We teach participants to use their feelings to gain greater empowerment in order to heal themselves. During a STAR retreat we uncover the original wounds that became an anger problem and created the destructive, emotional patterns. We help participants reclaim those repressed parts of themselves that were hidden when they lacked the understanding and ability to effectively cope with negative and abusive situations.

STAR retreats provide a safe, supportive environment where self-expression occurs naturally. There is a freedom to rediscover your innate ability to play, to grow and experience genuine compassion for yourself and others. Here you can disengage from rage and find forgiveness and self-love.

Below are some signs that you may have unresolved anger or anger management issues which would benefit from a STAR retreat.

Relationships. The first signal of an anger problem or that you might benefit from an anger management group comes from examining relationships. Do your reactions cause flare-ups in relationships and/or frighten those you care about? Perhaps your expressions cause others to go away or fight back creating difficulties in sustaining loving relationships. Does intimacy or your sex life suffer? Do you tend to extra-marital affairs?

Work relationships and/or career difficulties. Have you missed promotions, failed to make the grade with colleagues and/or even lost jobs because of how you handle your temper? Has your anger cost you money? Have you become a workaholic?

Legal hassles. Have you ever gotten into a public fight or experienced other trouble with law enforcement?

Health issues. Does the stress of your anger have painful effects, such as headaches or backaches, or create unhealthy habits such as alcohol or drug addiction? Do you have trouble sleeping or experience high blood pressure, anxiety or depression?

Loss of sense of self. Do you often feel numb or that you’re getting no-where? Do you long for a spark of life or creative expression you may have once had?

We invite you to make yourself a priority. Nurture yourself with a STAR Retreat and make your anger management issues a thing of the past. Here you will feel supported to find appropriate anger expression and deal with unresolved anger. You will have the opportunity to return home to heal relationships and pursue a healthy, satisfying life.

For information on applying for a STAR retreat see our Registration Information.

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